“Here’s precisely how you kill them with kindness: the angrier they get, the calmer you get; the louder they get, the quieter you get; the more words they use, the fewer words you use; the meaner they get, the nicer you get. That’s how you kill them with kindness.” – Steve Stauning, Customer Experience Expert.
Rather than letting a face-to-face exchange escalate into conflicts, when you “kill” an unreasonably angry customer with kindness, you take away their power over you. Choosing empathy and patience over hostility allows professionals to transform challenges into opportunities for building stronger, more respectful relationships.
Taking lessons from the “Kill them with Kindness philosophy, this article explores how kindness as a core business value can improve communication, build enduring relationships, and effectively diffuse conflicts when facing difficult people or challenging situations.
What Does the Expression “Kill them with Kindness” Mean?
“Kill them with kindness” is an idiom that means to disarm or defeat a person’s hostility and negative behavior by responding with extreme generosity, empathy, and unexpected kindness. Instead of reciprocating anger, this approach uses a positive demeanor to resolve conflict and take control of a difficult situation.
The expression “Kill Them With Kindness” means to disarm hostile, negative, or unreasonable behavior with generosity, empathy, or unexpected kindness. Rather than matching someone’s negative energy, the kindness-concept encourages individuals to remain calm and respond positively when facing difficult people.
What is the Origin of the Expression, Kill them with Kindness?
The expression “Kill Them With Kindness” was famously coined by William Shakespeare in the play, The Taming of the Shrew, where a character speaks of taming another by “killing them with kindness.”
Historically, the idea behind the idiom has been used to win over someone’s ill-will by responding with kind words and generosity. Over time, the saying evolved to take on a more positive connotation that advocates kindness as a response to hostile or negative behavior.
Today, “Killing Them With Kindness” remains relevant as a constructive way to handle difficult people. The philosophy embodies the notion that kindness can be more powerful than confrontation and can help disarm tension between individuals and groups.
Are the Successful Business Professionals Who Use This Philosophy?
Many successful business professionals and leaders integrate the “Kill Them With Kindness” philosophy in their daily interactions. Here are a few examples:
Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks
Schultz emphasized creating a “third place” between home and work where customers feel valued and welcomed. When faced with dissatisfied customers, Starbucks employees are encouraged to respond with empathy and generosity, often resolving complaints with a positive outcome.
Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx
Blakely advocates leading with kindness, even when faced with setbacks or criticism. She encourages a culture of kindness within her team, which translates into how the brand interacts with its customers, strengthening brand loyalty and trust.
Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Group
Branson is known for treating both employees and customers with respect and kindness, even in difficult situations. His philosophy is that happy employees lead to happy customers, which he achieves by fostering a kind and supportive workplace culture.
These professionals illustrate that a commitment to kindness is not only a positive way to manage difficult people but also a powerful business strategy. Embracing this approach helps foster a respectful culture that positively impacts both internal and external relationships.
Five Practical Tips to Apply the “Kill Them With Kindness” Philosophy
I) Take a Deep Breath and Pause
When confronted with difficult behavior, take a moment to collect yourself. This brief pause can prevent a reactionary response, allowing you to approach the situation with calmness and control.
II) Use Positive Language
Replace negative or defensive language with constructive phrases. For example, instead of saying, “That’s not possible,” try, “Let’s see how we can work toward a solution.” A positive tone can help ease tension and open the door to cooperation.
III) Assume Positive Intent
Difficult people may have underlying reasons for their behavior, such as stress or frustration. Approaching them with the assumption that they mean well can help you respond empathetically and avoid defensiveness.
IV) Express Gratitude
If a customer or colleague voices a complaint or suggestion, thank them for their feedback. Expressing gratitude can defuse defensiveness and shows that you value their input, even when it’s critical.
V) Keep Your Boundaries
Kindness doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect or abuse. If someone becomes aggressive or disrespectful, remain calm but assertive in setting boundaries. Politely let them know that you’re here to help but expect respectful communication in return.
Key Takeaways: Kill Them With Kindness Philosophy
- Defuse Tension: Kindness can reduce hostility and set a positive tone in challenging situations.
- Build Stronger Relationships: Showing empathy and patience strengthens connections, both in business and personal life.
- Boost Workplace Morale: A kind approach in handling difficult people creates a supportive and respectful work environment.
- Enhance Customer Loyalty: Treating frustrated customers with kindness can transform negative interactions into lasting positive impressions.
- Set Professional Boundaries: Kindness doesn’t require tolerating disrespect; remain calm and assertive when setting limits.
“Responding to a bad situation with grace and kindness not only keeps you in the clear, but it makes the aggressor stop in their tracks. What can you say to someone you just chewed out when they respond with genuine kindness?” – Jacquelyn Kellar.
Final Thoughts
The “Kill Them With Kindness” philosophy offers a powerful way to turn potential conflicts into opportunities for self-improvement, understanding, and positive outcomes. In responding to negativity with patience, empathy, and generosity, we not only improve relationships with others but also develop a sense of control, professionalism, and resilience when dealing with difficult people.
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